SHREK IN HUNTER X HUNTER CUCK BOIIIIII!
by randylahey5446
Summary: dis iz a cri 4 hlp. sve mi frm da drumpf plz
1. Chapter 1

**Another shit post, trigger warning if you're offended by anything involving memes...**

 **aka people who voted for Hilary (DON'T SHOOT ME)**

"SHREK!"

"What the hell is it now you goddamn mule?"

"We got visitors!"

"Oh shit really? Let them in!"

"I don't know man, I'm using my divination to scan who's at the door."

"Why?"

"Because, you never know," Donkey smirked, irritating Shrek.

"Donkey, don't fuck around, let them i-,"

" _WAIT_ _SHREK...they're also nen users_!" Donkey said desperately, as shrek nearly lost his footing from shock.

"...well, is it bad?"

"They seem like a couple of kids, but I don't know. I sensed their aura from a while back and it was pretty powerful despite only being in ten, but now they are doing one hell of a job concealing it...I don't know if we could trust them shrek,"

"NIGGER!" a voice creamed from hundreds of yards away. "What the fuck was that?" Shrek asked with his lips quivering.

"HEY EVERYBODY IN CHAT TYPE ALEX IS A FUCKING NIGGER! AND PYROCYNICAL LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING LESBIEN AM I RIGHT, I MEAN, HE'S A FUCKING PEDOFILE FOR ALL I KNOW!" the voice roared, as there was a harsh knock on the door.

"Was that the voice who just knocked?" Shrek asked, looking at Donkey. "No, that's just some irrelevant garden knome looking cunt we don't have to worry about (keemstar for you normies)...that knock was from the kids," Donkey stated, as the aura started to fluidly expand to detect the visitors. Shrek stood back in awe to marvel Donkey's talent, despite being an enhancer not an emitter.

"I'm letting them in," Donkey said confidently, slowly opening the door and peering to see who it was. "Yes?" Donkey said, with a little over half of his face peering at the two kids who were mumbling under their breaths.

" _Holy shit Gon, that voice, is that Eddie Murp-?"_

"SHREK!" Gon yelled without thinking twice, pushing Killua out of the way. Donkey assumed a battle stance while Gon kicked Donkey in the nuts with all his aura to get to Shrek.

"SHREK, SHREK, OH MY GOD SHREK IM A FAN OF ALL YOUR MOVIES CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE A PICTURE WITH ME!"

"Wait hold up...so you aren't here for the memes?" Shrek pondered.

" _I'm_ here for the memes, but this kid...well, is a bit of a normie,"

"Coming from the asshole who still uses Shre-," Donkey interrupted by Shrek. " _shhhh! they still think we're relevant,"_ he whispered into Donkey, who nods in agreement.

"Well what brings you out to my swamp you fucking cunts?"

"Ay show some respect you fuckin meme! This kid actually watches your goddamn movies, give him a bit of love you fat ogre," Killua scoffed, as Shrek's aura started to grow.

"Kid, you don't wanna make me angry. I'm an enhancer you know,"

"I could tell because you're a fucking dumb ogre that's why," Killua retorted, not even using ten at the moment and keeping his cool.

"Shrek, we got another visitor!"

"Goddamnit Donkey not now you fat cunt!"

"No Shrek, he's injured, he said something about his clan being massacred and shit. He's got moppy hair, a slender boduy, and probably a huge dick too,"

 _Kurapika?_ Killua wondered, as Shrek went towards the door as the visitor broke down the door with his conjured chains.

It wasn't Kurapika but some random ass dude chillin with no shirt on for some reason and happened to have a similar ability as he did.

"Have no fear, I come in peace! I come on behalf of my fallen brethren of my tribe. We were a peaceful tribe, B-nuts, Shrek, and I would help travelers by giving them items so they could go on their merry way. Until the dark times came, and the machine gun men killed our tribe, for no apparent reason,"

" _Psst Killua, is that Kurapika?"_ Gon whispered.

"...you're hopeless," Killua sighed.

"The machine gun men gunned down our tribe and killed all 127 of our brethren-"

"Don't you mean 128?" Gon asked naively, as Killua smacked him on the head.

"We need your help Shrek. The survivors are few, but we call upon you for our guidance. Please Shrek, you are our only hope," the man pleaded with all his might.

"Was it the Phantom Troupe?" Gon asked.

"Yes! Smart boy! We are looking for the Phantomhive manner. Fucking bourgeoisie scumbag capitalists and they're damn money and fancy houses an-,"

"Wait hold up, the Phantom _troupe_ , or the Phantom _hives?"_ Donkey asked as the man shook his head.

"The second one,"

"Wrong anime, this is Hunter x Hunter, not Black Butler you filthy casual,"

"...wut," the man said, with sadder eyes than before. But then, his gamer tag over his head revealed that his name was "Kim jung il", revealing that this was an imposter.

"Wait a minute, you weren't the machine gun man guy... _YOU'RE THE SOCIALIST GUY!"_ Shrek exclaimed, getting into a battle stance.

"Nonono you got it all wrong! It's not what it looks like! I'm lost, well, I'm actually looking for North Korea right now, have you seen it?" the imposter asked, becoming tense as he's trying to win the mercy of Shrek and Donkey.

But Donkey knew what was up. And knew that it was all good...

"...oh yeah?"

"Yes, I swear to God! I swear to sweet baby Jesus and my Ken Bone fanpage on Reddit that I am telling the truth,"

"You're looking for North Korea?"

"Yes!"

"Well, you just past it," Donkey proclaimed victoriously, and the guy held his head in defeat. "Shrek, let's fuck this bitch up,"

"Hell yea boi," Shrek agreed, as the duo's aura lit up like a forest (swamp) fire.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NORTH KOREAAAAAAAA!" the dictator screamed, as Donkey decapitated all his limps and Shrek shattered his skull into pieces, leaving remnants of blood and bone all over the room.

"...well Shrek, now what?"

"DANCE PARTY NIGGA!"

The duo played "Big Poppa" by Biggie Smalls on repeat, snorted a bunch of coke, and had a really good time.

The end :D


	2. Chapter 2

"OH NO SHREK, IT'S THE MACHIENE GUN MAN!" Donkey yelled, as Shrek threw the hooker across the room into the cement wall to her death

An army of autists came to their door with AK-47s and RPGs.

Keemstar was among them and leading the pack.

"YESS! I'M RELEVENT AGAIN," he yelled, before Leafyishere cut off his legs with a metal spork.

"No your not, _I'm_ relevant again," Leafy said, flipping his gay ass emo hair style to the left like an op anime character from a show that only emo girls that go "rawer" and pained anime critics have to watch because it's there job and they have no escape from the pain that is anime (I'm looking at you Digibro)

"WAIT, IMMA NUT," Shrek roared, trying to buy some time for Donkey to turn into Satima from One Punch Man to rid of their intruders.

But Leafy had a power similar to Kurolo's, and stole Donkey's nen.

"You're nen is _literally_ mine, like actually, _literally fucking mine holy shit!"_ Calvin squeaked, rubbing his putrid chin.

"...NOOOOO!"

"I will use this power to _actually fucking kill everyone in this actual room! Literally, I'm not a homosexual, what am I a retard?!"_

"Kid, you alright?" Shrek asked, holding out a reaching hand.

"Fuck off you literally homosexual, what do have, aids or something?" Leafy asked, slapping Shrek's tender warm greenish yellow and caring and stimulating and all uand gerrn hand.

"Kid, I have a special needs disorder and he has really bad anxiety, it's okay Calvin. We Love you Calvin,"

And then Togashi came out of hiatus and everybody stopped writing shitty fanfiction. Then the second season of One Punch Man and Mob Psyco came out and ended the war on drugs.

Then Shrek fucked Leafy because, umm, it was funny.

Like momma always said: words can't hurt me, these shades are Gucci


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's a little Killia/OC parody I kinda just half assed a while ago lol. At least it started off as a Killua/OC story...**

"HENTAI GA DAISKI NADAYO!" Drake yelled, practicing his Japanese for his boy crush Killua-chan.

"Keep your voice down, I'm on the phone!"

"Sorry Mito-san!"

"Call me Mom!"

"Yes Mom-san!" Drake replied, groveling on the floor with his Naruto shirt on.

He liked anime a lot, he also liked boys.

ESPECIALLY KILLUA (...that cute little _boy pussy_ if you know what I'm saying). I'm not gay, I'm just saying. You would be saying the same thing if you weren't so goddamn close minded, asshole.

Anyway.

He was going to Hunter High School with his best friends Leorio and Kurrilla, who was obviously a girl with pig tails and a very flat chest.

"I can't wait to think about ways to avenge my fallen Clan from those lizards (I'm avoiding "spiders" to stay away from a copyright take down)," Kurrilla snapped, eating strait up bread because this bitch was fucked in the head.

"All I want is money, bitches, and big booty hoes!" Leorio stated, throwing his fist in the air.

"Is all you think about is objectifying women?"

"Only objectifying you!" Leoirio exclaimed, trying to grope her until getting pepper sprayed by concentrated dark matter, transporting Leorio into another dimension temporarily.

"Kurrilla, why don't you like boys,"

"...fuck, it's Teb Mosbey," she pointed at Teb Mosby falling from the sky riding a jd razor.

wait, it was worse, that wasn't teb mosby. It was Chad Kroeger with cheap sunglasses and smoking a blunt.

"THIS IS HOW YOU REMINND MEEE!"

"Oh no! It's their only good song even though it's really generic and overplayed in the first place but it's still their best song!" Kurrilla fainted, getting a second degree concussion and falling into a 50 year slumber.

Killua didn't appear in this story, BUT SHREK DID.

"Hey cunt, wat da fuc r yee doin' in me swamp m8,"

"oh no shrek, please, have mercy, I'm not who you think I am," he said, revealing his true identity.

Chad Kroger wasn't Chad Kroger, Chad Kroger was Jerry Seinfeld.

"wait a minute...you're from the Bee Movie, right?"

"Yes Shrek, I'm the Bee Movie guy haha, enough of this bullshit, I need your help shrek!"

"The fuck do you want you kike?"

"YouTube is raping my creation with it's shitty parodies and overdone memes, please Shrek, banish my creation from the meme kingdom!"

"...there's a meme kingdom,"

"I don't know, is there? I mean, I just kind of assumed because of the popularity of memes, like pepe, the unpopular opinion meme,"

"...oh my god, no, you can't be," Shrek was devastated to find out who Seinfeld really was. After years and years of making people laugh, smile, and forget the inconveniences of their daily lives through his theatrical masterpiece, there was one terrible secret behind Jerry Seinfeld...

...he was a normie...

"...no,"

"...what...,"

"...you're a normie...NOOOO..."

"..."

"..."

"...what the fuck Shrek, you're making this awkward, this gag isn't even funny. What the fuck?!"

"...I'm sorry, ...what?"

"Stop that!"

"...what...?"

"The '...' bullshit that shitty fic writers do to build up tension. It's ineffective and it's stupid,"

"...you...got...a fucking problem with it...m...8?"

"IT'S FUCKING CRINGEY, WHAT THE FUCK SHREK?! YOU'RE MAKING ME VERY UNCOMFERTABLE!1"

"...am...I...really making you ...that...uncomfortable..right...now...?..."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Seinfeld screamed, as his body dissolved and his REAL identity was revealed.

It was Killua trying to hide his identity.

"Not again,"

"Killua, why?"

"Trying to avoid the OC in this goddamn story, it's cringey enough, it doesn't need to get any worse,"

It did because the OC showed up, then he got killed by Shrek because what the fuck did you expect, a good ending?

Fuck you.


End file.
